Transform Your Mindset: 5 Practical Strategies to Overcome Negative and Self-Defeating Thoughts

Transform Your Mindset: 5 Practical Strategies to Overcome Negative and Self-Defeating Thoughts | Episode 1

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Hello everyone. I am Tigran Tarbiyan, the founder and host of the Tarbiyan Show.  Today I am going to talk about our thoughts and give you some strategies that you can use to change the way you think.

Have you ever found yourself ruminating over some issue for hours or days, and later realized that it was not so important after all? Or has your mind ever spun into a downward spiral of self-defeating thoughts? You know, those pesky thoughts that are like a dog with a bone that just will not let go? Or maybe you have experienced a time when you were feeling upset about a particular issue, and then talking to a friend about it. They said things you had not thought of, and when you took their ideas on board and looked at the situation from a different angle, you immediately felt much better. Does this sound familiar? 

Talking to your friend showed you that you could look at your situation from a different angle, and when you started thinking differently, your feelings changed.

Please, stay with me until the end. In this episode, I will teach you a lot of valuable things today. 
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Every day we experience situations that illustrate the simple principle - the way we think determines the way we feel. Things go wrong, people act selfishly, and disappointments happen. Whether we get upset about it or not, and how distressed we feel, depends largely on our thinking. Sometimes we can make ourselves feel very miserable even when our circumstances are not so bad because we think in a negative, self-defeating way. Make no mistake - self-defeating thoughts can be strong and powerful and can greatly affect our emotional and physical well-being. We may blame people or life events for our unhappiness, but it is our perceptions that cause our suffering.

This is good news because even though we can not change people or our life circumstances, we can change the way we think about them. And if we can learn to think in a healthy, balanced way, we can stop getting unnecessarily upset.

We can change the way we see something and then express it differently. It represents a psychological paradigm shift, replacing our old way of thinking with a new and improved perspective. And it changes the way we analyze and react to situations.

Sounds simple, doesn't it? Well, in theory, it is. However, implementing it can be quite challenging. Trying to balance our logical and emotional selves can be a real challenge, but it's not impossible. It simply starts with changing our perspective.

Changing the way we think about things changes the way we feel. This simple concept is a key principle of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT for short) - an approach used in psychotherapy and stress management programs around the world. The word 'cognitive' refers to thought processes. Therefore, cognitive therapy is an approach that helps us change aspects of our thinking.

Since the 1970s, CBT has emerged as the predominant form of psychological therapy utilized by psychotherapists and other mental health professionals. This is because studies conducted worldwide have shown CBT to be helpful in managing a wide range of psychological problems, including anxiety, depression, panic attacks, sleep problems, phobias, relationship problems, shyness, eating disorders, anger, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual dysfunction, post-traumatic stress disorder, chronic pain, health problems, bipolar disorder, social phobia, etc. Although different components of the CBT approach are used to treat different problems, the focus is always on changing cognitions and behaviours.

When we study or read psychological books, we realize that CBT was originally developed for the treatment of specific disorders. Today, however, it is used by many people who want to reduce stress and improve their quality of life. CBT strategies are helpful in managing the stressors of daily life - from minor annoyances to major psychological challenges. Given the ease of learning the principles of CBT, this approach serves as an excellent self-help tool. However, it takes time and commitment to practice it daily and change your thought patterns.

For example, psychiatrist Aaron Beck, one of the most influential figures in the development of CBT, made his first contribution to the development of CBT in the field of depression. He noted that depressed people have faulty or distorted thinking patterns. These stem from our core beliefs, which we developed in childhood in response to early life events and which influence the way we later perceive our experiences. Beck described them as "templates" that we unconsciously use to determine the meaning we give to our experiences. For example, beliefs such as "I am inferior," "People cannot be trusted, I will be abandoned," or "The world is dangerous" influence the content of thoughts in everyday situations and therefore contribute to anxiety and psychological problems. Beck believed that the goal of therapy should be to help individuals recognise and change faulty thinking and self-defeating behaviours by using a variety of cognitive and behavioural therapy strategies. While there are differences in some of the techniques and terminology used by the various authors and schools of CBT that I have studied and discussed with various therapists, the underlying goal is to help individuals alleviate anxiety and overcome negative and self-defeating thoughts by transforming and changing unhelpful cognitions and behaviours.
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In this and future episodes, I will describe how you can apply the principles of CBT to potentially stressful events that occur in our daily lives. You will learn to recognize some of your own thinking patterns that cause unnecessary stress, and you will discover strategies to help you change them. These may include taking certain actions and challenging some of the thoughts and beliefs that contribute to unhappiness.

Today I’m going to give you a few simple strategies to get started. 

1. RIDE THE WAIVE. 
Let’s understand this first: thoughts are just a collection of concepts produced by our brains. They have no emotion or inherent meaning. We are the author of these thoughts and we give them meaning by interpreting them and acting upon them. Like the waves in an ocean, some thoughts are strong and some are weak. We need to teach ourselves to recognize that our thoughts are not identical to us and allow them to come and go freely. Do not try to hold on to unhelpful and destructive thoughts, and do not fight them either; they will sink you. So the next time a self-destructive thought enters your mind, do not allow it to pull you out to sea. Instead, "ride the wave" and take time to analyze the situation without reacting. This will not only improve your outlook but also help you see the big picture or a positive outcome.
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2. LOOK AT THE SITUATION FROM AN OUTSIDE-LOOKING-IN APPROACH. 
We need to remove ourselves from the situation and observe the circumstances from an outsider's perspective. This will allow us to look at what is happening from different angles. We can even ask ourselves, "What would I think if someone else were in a similar situation? What advice would I give them?" Sometimes looking from the outside can help us put some distance between the circumstances and our feelings, while at the same time looking for the best possible solution.
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3. SEPARATE YOUR EMOTIONS FROM THE FACTS.
Ask yourself, 'What are the objective facts of the situation, and what are my subjective feelings? Do they match or are my thoughts making the situation worse?" Emotions can easily steal the spotlight from reality. They can also make a mountain out of a molehill. If we keep our eye on the evidence, we may be able to solve our case quickly and move on to life's next conundrum.
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4. ANALYZE THE SITUATION WITHOUT REACTING.
If our internal dialogue is filled with pessimistic negativity, it's crucial to reevaluate the situation. Instead of reacting immediately and going along with everything our inner voice tells us, we need to take time to analyze the situation. Often emotions can get the upper hand, and if that's the case, we may be acting recklessly and making impulsive decisions. It is best to calm down and weigh all options before acting or making a wrong decision. If I start to remember all the mistakes and wrong decisions I have made in my life, most of them would be because I was emotional and made impulsive decisions. I believe you also can relate to it. 
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5. LOOK FOR THE BEST OUTCOME. 
We should push ourselves to see beyond the negative aspects and focus on finding the silver lining. Like a gold miner, we may have to sift through a lot of dirt to get to that priceless little nugget, right? Do not let unhelpful thoughts cause you to miss out on a golden opportunity.

The next time you feel anxious, depressed, or overwhelmed, try to rethink the situation and look at it from a slightly different angle. If you do that, you will probably feel better mentally. Changing your thinking is a skill that can really change the way you react to different situations and circumstances, in other words, your life.
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I want to ensure that you share your greatest insights with me: tag me on Instagram, Tiktok, Twitter, Linkedin, or YouTube, and let’s talk about it. Feel free to share how you overcome negative and self-defeating thoughts, along with the strategies you find effective. As a thank you, every week I will choose one winner and give away my e-book for free.

I hope there are some parts of this episode that you would want to listen to again and again. Because you need to realize that the first time you hear it, there may be some inspiration, some insight, but the second time, that repetition is going to help you actually apply and rewire what you have learned. Be sure to save or download this episode and listen to it again. And make sure you share this with a friend as well, so you can discuss it and talk about it. It’s such an important part to put what you’ve learned into practice.

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In addition to my episodes, I also recommend you to check out “My Ultimate Reading Guide” further down in the description. 

Over the past 25 years, I have read over 500 books of various genres,  and I have been fascinated by the insights and knowledge that I have gained from them.

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All right, that's all for today's episode. Thank you so much for watching or listening to this podcast - I really appreciate it. Have a great week, and I will see you on the next episode. 
Take care and let’s #BeMagnus together!
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📚 References:

Change Your Thinking | by Sarah Edelman

Destructive Emotions | by Daniel Goleman

How to Do the Work | by Dr. Nicole LePera

The Art of Thinking Clearly | by Rolf Dobelli

Don't Believe Everything You Think | by Joseph Nguyen

Psychology Today

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